Omdat ge moet werken, omdat ge moet blokken, omdat uw lief zaagt, omdat ge nog een beetje van een kater hebt van oudejaarsnacht, omdat ge een beetje ziekskes zijt, omdagge eenzaam zijt of misschien omdat het efkes tegensteekt: andermans-miserie-entertainment.<\/p>\n
Voor hen die de site\/app Fuck My Life niet kennen: hierop kan je al dan niet anoniem opbiechten wat u is overkomen, telkens in dezelfde \u201cToday,\u2026 FML\u201d-formule, waarop men dan kan beslissen of het compleet verdiend was of uw leven inderdaad stinkt.<\/p>\n
Een greep uit de meest recente bekentenissen die ik wel lachen vond:<\/p>\n
Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, \u201cTHIS IS SPARTA!\u201d and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML<\/p>\n
Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML<\/p>\n
Today, I went to bed with a bra on. I woke up with no bra on. My brother had a friend sleep over last night. I wonder where my bra went. FML<\/p>\n
Today, I sat on my own testicles while having a serious and tenderly sweet discussion with my fianc\u00e9e about our future together. We were both crying, but for very different reasons. FML<\/p>\n
Today, I had an amazing orgasm. So great that the shortness of breath triggered an extreme asthma attack. FML<\/p>\n
Today, I\u2019m sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I\u2019m trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML<\/p>\n
Today, I had a proper look at myself in the mirror. I have recently lost 5 lbs. Turns out that it mainly shows on my boob. Not boobs. Boob. Right one only. FML<\/p>\n
Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML<\/p>\n
Today, I set up a spy cam in my room to find out which one of my pervy brothers has been using my computer to watch porn. Turns out it was actually my father. I now have a video of him sitting in my chair masturbating, and I can\u2019t get it out of my head. FML<\/p>\n
Today, I woke up with an engagement ring on my left hand. The same one I refused last month. My boyfriend apparently waited for me to be drunk to propose again last night, and has already posted the pics on Facebook. FML<\/p>\n
Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend using my hand to wank. FML<\/p>\n
Today, a girl mistook me for her boyfriend and broke up with me because I\u2019m \u201ca liar and a cheating bastard.\u201d I\u2019ve never seen her in my life, but I\u2019m so lonely that I tried to convince her to give me another chance and stay with me. FML<\/p>\n
Today, as every day for the past few weeks, my husband won\u2019t have sex. His reason? We\u2019ve decided to have a baby, and he reckons that the longer he waits, the more competition there will be between his sperm and thus the better the result will be. FML<\/p>\n
Today, I went to a urinal next to an elderly gentleman. As I was doing my business, he zips up and begins to leave. On his way out, he leans over my shoulder and whispers in my ear, \u201cThat\u2019s nice\u201d. FML<\/p>\n
Today, I woke up thinking my house was on fire because I could hear crackling flames downstairs. I panicked and tripped out of bed. It was the fireplace channel I left on last night so I could wake up to a Christmas ambiance. FML<\/p>\n
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I felt down, so I laid in bed and told my parents I needed some alone time. A couple of minutes later, one of them started blasting \u201cAll by Myself\u201d so loud that I felt the floorboards vibrate. FML<\/p>\n
Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named \u201cThomas\u201d has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML<\/p>\n
Today, I told my husband to tell me his wildest fantasy. He told me it was to put on fake antlers and \u201cdo it like deer\u201d. FML<\/p>\n
Today, I asked my girlfriend to marry me. She pretended not to hear me. FML<\/p>\n
Today, a friend informed me that my dog\u2019s name means \u201cpenis\u201d in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparantly I\u2019ve been screaming for \u201cdong\u201d every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don\u2019t talk to me much. FML<\/p>\n
Today, some beefed-up guy wearing a wife-beater sat in my restaurant, took out a big sack of coins, and played My Little Pony songs on the jukebox for 4 hours straight. I couldn\u2019t summon the courage to tell him to leave. FML<\/p>\n
Today, I was on a crowded bus when the woman behind me vomited. The guy next to her was a sympathy puker. So were 3 other people. There was no room to escape. FML<\/p>\n
Today, I have the pleasure of finding out how it feels to poop with 3 broken ribs. FML<\/p>\n
Today, I played a game of Monopoly with my friends. Since I\u2019m of Greek origin, they thought it would be funny to make me start with a \u20ac100,000 debt. FML<\/p>\n
Today, I woke up to my best friend lying down and unresponsive. Frightened, I tapped on the glass. He got scared and started swimming again. My best friend is a fish. FML<\/p>\n
En last but not least, mijn favorietje:<\/p>\n
Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fianc\u00e9 keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying \u201cYes, Master\u201d whenever I ask him for something. FML<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Omdat ge moet werken, omdat ge moet blokken, omdat uw lief zaagt, omdat ge nog een beetje van een kater hebt van oudejaarsnacht, omdat ge een beetje ziekskes zijt, omdagge eenzaam zijt of misschien omdat het efkes tegensteekt: andermans-miserie-entertainment. Voor hen die de site\/app Fuck My Life niet kennen: hierop kan je al dan niet…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[9,8],"class_list":["post-49","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-een-beetje-vanalles","tag-grappige-toestanden","tag-lijstjes"],"yoast_head":"\n